please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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