He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
