i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
