i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
