It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize