Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
