She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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