i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
