he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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