watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
