I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
