the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
