we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
