ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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