There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
