Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize