just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
