remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize