I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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