I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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