id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She bit a glass in half.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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