you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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