Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
high people should be assigned attendants
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
