So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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