Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
