wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
