what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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