well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
