he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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