shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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