Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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