why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
