We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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