Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
