Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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