no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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