i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
