So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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