my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
