i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
