I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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