I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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