He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize