Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
