So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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