Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
