I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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