She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
