Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Plan B is the new Plan A
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
