What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
