Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
