Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
