Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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