I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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