You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
