anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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