Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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