I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
