I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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