My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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