Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
