I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
