so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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