There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
