saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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